Jaybert is from Elbonia. Elbonia is a little known fourth world town in the communist Bengal. Elbonia has been famous only because long back a large cache of arms was dropped in its mainland to fight the mindless rule of Communists. However, all the hopes of a great renaissance died when the mighty people of Elbonia decided to use the rocket launchers to tie their cows.
Jaybert has been working in a city in the heart of the communists, disguised as a supply chain expert. Secretly, he works with the brotherhood to overturn the communists one day.
Just about two years ago, Jaybert had joined as a fresh and young graduate in an organization, and worked hard to expand the Supply Chain Operations. He expanded the operations for entire 2 years. He accumulated some net +ve accolades (summation of all the brickbats and accolades). Today, Jaybert has just executed a plan to reduce the warehouse area and make all the processes lean.
(Apologies to hard core ADAM SCOTT fans, for the shortcomings in the above piece especially the lingo)Pointy haired Boss - What next?
Jaybert - Do I go beyond and open more warehouses?
Pointy haired Boss - Please, feel free to do so as long as you don't ask for cash.
Jaybert - No Cash!!... ummm.. do I get a permission to go and try to win one of those reality TV competitions. This will get us cash, keep me busy for a few months and no one has to know.
Pointy haired Boss - What are the odds?
Jaybert - Let's say, If I compete as a transvestite with a big rack, in a show called Dancing Queen, I can at least reach the semis without a fight. The other option is to enroll into Big Boss, where the probablity to win the event is high even if someone lacks talent.
Pointy haired Boss - That's TV jazz and is risky too. I would need money to fix you to win the competition.
Jaybert - What do I do then? I don't have work. Are you gonna fire me?
Pointy haired Boss - Not really. I already got Catbert to fire your other colleagues. Who do I boss around? Besides you are too cute to let go.
Someone poking the "pitchspoon"into Jaybert's sordid posterior, by now, goes unnoticed.
Jaybert - hmm.. What should I do?
Pointy haired Boss - There is one guy eligible to ask questions here and that's not you. Besides I pay you to think.
Jaybert - I can do one thing. There were two warehouses I built last year. I can destroy them now. It will take about 6 months and then, we can rebuild it ,which will take another 6 months. So, we get busy for the entire year.
Pointy haired Boss - great! I like it.
While you do it, keep some reasons ready for justification of your actions.
Labels: Favorites, humor, officejazz
by JAY @ 3:25 AM |Show/Add (1) comments|
[Hide (1) comments]
Recently, I found this wonderful conversation between two of the most wittiest personalities around. May be this exaggerated appreciation is there, because I am fond of Boman Irani and his acting skills.
Cyrus: That’s also how you met Shiamak Davar
Boman: Shiamak is a wonderful, wonderful guy. He had come to my studio. I was taking pictures of him, trying to entertain him with my jokes to put him at ease because he kept saying he was ugly. He came back the next day and said, R 16;You know Boman, you should be on stage.’ He asked me to audition for a small part in Alyque Padamsee’s play “Roshni”… Alyque initially had rejected my audition. Shiamak insisted that he would not choreograph the show if I was not in it and I did the show, I did one song in it.
Cyrus: No offence to Alyque, the play was…
Boman: Go ahead and offend Alyque. It’s okay.
Cyrus: Yes, the play was really bad. And the only good part about the play was the pimp… you.
Boman: Parsi mothers are always very proud of their children. After the show, my mother asked around, ‘Did you like my son?’ They didn’t know who her son was. So she said, ‘The pimp is my son.’ Someone ask ed her if she wanted a lift, and she said, ‘My son will drop me.’ ‘Who will drop you,’ they asked from the other end of the lobby and she went, ‘My son… the… the pimp will drop me. Don’t bother.’
Cyrus: (laughs)
Boman: You’re making fun of my mom by laughing. But yes, growing up in a Parsi family, I’m used to Parsi moms. Every time the dhobi comes, she would go, ‘Tum idhar tehro. Main kapda nikaal ke aati hoon’ (You wai t here. I will remove the clothes and come).
Cyrus: (laughs)
Boman: You are laughing at my mom again. I’m offended. (mockingly)
Cyrus: Tell me about the classic romance. Your wife used to buy only 100gm of chips from your shop everyday.
Boman: Dumb me, I would not understand why she would buy 100gm everyday when she could buy in bulk. And then, it struck me that maybe…
Cyrus: Her version is that you were the one who gave her 100 gm everyday saying that you were not allowed to give more. But we’ll stick to yours.
Cyrus: No offence to Alyque, the play was…
Boman: Go ahead and offend Alyque. It’s okay.
Cyrus: Yes, the play was really bad. And the only good part about the play was the pimp… you.
Boman: Parsi mothers are always very proud of their children. After the show, my mother asked around, ‘Did you like my son?’ They didn’t know who her son was. So she said, ‘The pimp is my son.’ Someone ask ed her if she wanted a lift, and she said, ‘My son will drop me.’ ‘Who will drop you,’ they asked from the other end of the lobby and she went, ‘My son… the… the pimp will drop me. Don’t bother.’
Cyrus: (laughs)
Boman: You’re making fun of my mom by laughing. But yes, growing up in a Parsi family, I’m used to Parsi moms. Every time the dhobi comes, she would go, ‘Tum idhar tehro. Main kapda nikaal ke aati hoon’ (You wai t here. I will remove the clothes and come).
Cyrus: (laughs)
Boman: You are laughing at my mom again. I’m offended. (mockingly)
Cyrus: Tell me about the classic romance. Your wife used to buy only 100gm of chips from your shop everyday.
Boman: Dumb me, I would not understand why she would buy 100gm everyday when she could buy in bulk. And then, it struck me that maybe…
Cyrus: Her version is that you were the one who gave her 100 gm everyday saying that you were not allowed to give more. But we’ll stick to yours.
Labels: fun, humor, Miscallaneous
by JAY @ 1:21 PM |Show/Add (0) comments|
[Hide (0) comments]
In last few days, I have chalked out 200 plans for the coming holidays and erased them. Hence, the frustration of not being able to come out with anything is growing inside me. It is pinching me and the bitterness is flowering.
Iron Maiden concert in Bangalore this month seems already a distant future. Precariously hanging, is also my Goa plan. G-Spot is dancing in the corner of my mind with his offer to go to Vaisno Devi. It is easier to fight US elections, than fix a plan for me. STD accuses me of the laziest and slowest guy to have roamed this earth.. Holy crap!!!! wd u believe it .. he he he.
I am lazy and slow. But O.J. Simpson beats me blue at that. Didn't you hear his latest claim. He says:
"Anna Nicole Smith's child is actually his. The gal child was born late because of his slow moving sperms. He hopes that there is no DNA test, otherwise it would be found that he is the father. He is among the three other men who have thrown their hats in the ring and claim the child is their."
Weird as it may sound, It would certainly do Anna proud if she is looking from the up-above. This is just the second weird findings of the week. The banana split guy, who lives close by introduced me to his cousin. Conversations took us around the world. From Charlie Sheen's hairdo in Hot Shots to Theory of olives from "How I met your mother".
She listens to Tony Flow and the Miraculously Majestic Masters of Mayhem. She says she is a big fan of their music. I said, "gulp!! gulp!! ok". It would have been easier to swallow had she just said she likes Red Hot Chilli Peppers, as the band is known now-a-days.
When she asked me what I listen to, I said, "cacophony of the weirdest lizard on earth which surely isn't miraculously majestic master of mayhem's fluidity." ..ok.. whatever it meant... bleh..
She said are u applying Theory of olives. Aha!! something I had an idea about. Theory of olives states that if you like olives and the counterpart doesn't there is an attraction.So , if some one likes red hot chilli peppers i wouldn't.
I said, "may be, if it impresses you ... however,I hardly have an idea what I am doing, except for attempting a sarcastic take on ur taste in music.. And in which I have failed measurably."
She shrugged her shoulders. I shruggedher mine.
Iron Maiden concert in Bangalore this month seems already a distant future. Precariously hanging, is also my Goa plan. G-Spot is dancing in the corner of my mind with his offer to go to Vaisno Devi. It is easier to fight US elections, than fix a plan for me. STD accuses me of the laziest and slowest guy to have roamed this earth.. Holy crap!!!! wd u believe it .. he he he.
I am lazy and slow. But O.J. Simpson beats me blue at that. Didn't you hear his latest claim. He says:
"Anna Nicole Smith's child is actually his. The gal child was born late because of his slow moving sperms. He hopes that there is no DNA test, otherwise it would be found that he is the father. He is among the three other men who have thrown their hats in the ring and claim the child is their."
Weird as it may sound, It would certainly do Anna proud if she is looking from the up-above. This is just the second weird findings of the week. The banana split guy, who lives close by introduced me to his cousin. Conversations took us around the world. From Charlie Sheen's hairdo in Hot Shots to Theory of olives from "How I met your mother".
She listens to Tony Flow and the Miraculously Majestic Masters of Mayhem. She says she is a big fan of their music. I said, "gulp!! gulp!! ok". It would have been easier to swallow had she just said she likes Red Hot Chilli Peppers, as the band is known now-a-days.
When she asked me what I listen to, I said, "cacophony of the weirdest lizard on earth which surely isn't miraculously majestic master of mayhem's fluidity." ..ok.. whatever it meant... bleh..
She said are u applying Theory of olives. Aha!! something I had an idea about. Theory of olives states that if you like olives and the counterpart doesn't there is an attraction.So , if some one likes red hot chilli peppers i wouldn't.
I said, "may be, if it impresses you ... however,I hardly have an idea what I am doing, except for attempting a sarcastic take on ur taste in music.. And in which I have failed measurably."
She shrugged her shoulders. I shrugged
Labels: entertainment, fun, humor
by JAY @ 9:37 PM |Show/Add (0) comments|
[Hide (0) comments]This is last weeks' pursuit of much needed comic relief in various dimensions:
Hog the blog:
Bloggers have been writing their way to glory on some trite and boring subjects(or may be I was reading the saddest of them all).I was getting really despo to read stuffs that can titillate me. Then, I bumped into David Maiki's excellent work of creativity and imagination through a list of 12 most humoruos people on the net. David Maiki's combination of contemporary theme with archaic surroundings is worth having a look at, than reading gossips about Angelina or talking about immaterial-racial-mud-slinging-in-a-reality show (read Big Brother). Anyways, it gave me the pip to rejuvenate my own immature attempt at wearing the thong again through my greenhorns. Making a complete strip requires a lot of effort.. pheww!!(Dude!.. have u seen a GUY struggling in a thong or trying to manage a Saree.. IT indeed is an effort..nvm if u don't get what I said.)
Rumble in the thong:
Now this may not be funny for most of you but it is for me. Like an year ego me and a friend of mine had this bet that Hillary Clinton is gonna run for the HOT SEAT or not. I have been watching her moves with anticipation of a pregnant woman and here she gave in to the itch in her thong. Some of these women have extreme discomfort in their undergarments and u can easily find it out looking at their movements.
Domestic LOL:
People have been suggesting putting in some hot pics which can finally put the ratings of your blog high. (Afterall blogging has been reduced to popularity charts and number of clicks.) I was asked to join CLICKY (web statistics) and it handed me my 1st laughter of the week.
"this dude from US clicked my blog post pornucopia while he was looking for underage literotica in google"
Sick.
So, I looked at more of masala stuff in surroundings to put in my blog and the closest I could come up was this pic :
This guy is my dorm mate and is an ex-Adobe employee. (I can reveal this coz his face has been destroyed to an unrecognizable extent... he he).Thats cake on his face.No wonder why I run away and they can't find me in my birthdays.
Anyways, we have been doing 007 to find out to whom does the finger belong.
. Sucking up to whom.by JAY @ 9:22 PM |Show/Add (15) comments|
[Hide (15) comments]Recent Posts
Blog shift: The Milkman has a new Address
[+/-,show/hide post]by JAY @ 2:08 PM |(9) comments|
[Hide (9) comments]
The Game Theory
[+/-,show/hide post]by JAY @ 9:13 PM |(3) comments|
[Hide (3) comments]
Jaybert
[+/-,show/hide post]by JAY @ 3:25 AM |(1) comments|
[Hide (1) comments]
MTV youth Icon of the Year
[+/-,show/hide post]by JAY @ 6:14 PM |(2) comments|
[Hide (2) comments]
The Bear Hug: Signs of Economic Downturn
[+/-,show/hide post]by JAY @ 10:05 AM |(0) comments|
[Hide (0) comments]
My Motorcycle Diaries.
[+/-,show/hide post]by JAY @ 2:29 PM |(6) comments|
[Hide (6) comments]
Mannu Bhai Motor Chali pom pom.
[+/-,show/hide post]by JAY @ 1:42 PM |(47) comments|
[Hide (47) comments]
BO-MAN: Our Friendly Neighbourhood
[+/-,show/hide post]by JAY @ 1:21 PM |(0) comments|
[Hide (0) comments]Search My Jazz
My Jazzboard
-
Previous Posts
Blogrolled..
Archives
- Blog was started in November 2005. Since then...
- November 2005
- December 2005
- January 2006
- March 2006
- April 2006
- May 2006
- June 2006
- July 2006
- August 2006
- September 2006
- October 2006
- November 2006
- December 2006
- January 2007
- February 2007
- March 2007
- April 2007
- May 2007
- August 2007
- October 2007
- June 2008
- September 2008
- November 2008
- April 2009
- August 2009
- November 2009
- Blog was started in November 2005. Since then...
Recent Comments
on 4/05/2009 05:32:00 PM
- jaybert
lizze
on 1/24/2007 03:01:00 AM
- So did you win the bet or not? I think you did but I amnot 100% sure...
Hmmm, yes you do yave a good point with the blogging being charts and number these days
- So did you win the bet or not? I think you did but I amnot 100% sure...
- JAY
on 1/24/2007 03:36:00 AM
- yeah ... I did... y rn't u sure...uh.
-
on 1/24/2007 10:14:00 AM
- Nice theme. The SNAP preview had me confused since I've only ever seen it on WP. :)
- JAY
on 1/24/2007 11:40:00 AM
- You shd see more of the owrld beyond Wordpres... Blogspot gives you so much freedommmm. :).
I have theme ..!!!!
- You shd see more of the owrld beyond Wordpres... Blogspot gives you so much freedommmm. :).
- Samantha Louise
on 1/24/2007 04:17:00 PM
- Jay... despite your bad english... I actually really enjoy your blog! I'm so glad that you stumbled across mine! Keep on reading mine... cos I'll be reading YOU.
And perhaps... in a week or two, if you are worthy... I'll link you in my links section (oo la la!)
- Jay... despite your bad english... I actually really enjoy your blog! I'm so glad that you stumbled across mine! Keep on reading mine... cos I'll be reading YOU.
- JAY
on 1/24/2007 06:20:00 PM
- Oh, Thanx.
Where r ur shoes ma'm .. when can I polish them.
Do show this mortal ..how to improve his english.
- Oh, Thanx.
- lizze
on 1/25/2007 06:15:00 AM
- so what did you win?
I need to know these things ;)
- so what did you win?
- JAY
on 1/25/2007 06:54:00 AM
- Lizze u r too demanding.
I won The cake and an underwear. :(
- Lizze u r too demanding.
- lizze
on 1/26/2007 01:39:00 AM
- what colour of the underwear? What flavour was the cake?
Do you want Hillary to win??
need to know these things ;)
- what colour of the underwear? What flavour was the cake?
- JAY
on 1/26/2007 05:11:00 AM
- It was blue. deep blue.
Cake was choco..
Hillary.. I dont care.. she will have to clear the mess created by Bush and then she can go on to find out a male intern.
Hillary's daughter has been my pen friend.
She calls me Jay.
Jay is actually a nice name.
Names are varied and very insignificant.
Insignificant things have a place in my blog.
This blog is visited by Lizze.
And Lizze is a sadist.
She wd prolly need to know more :((.
- It was blue. deep blue.
- lizze
on 1/26/2007 01:08:00 PM
- what do you mean ....
nah I'll give it a rest
for now
but I will be back
- what do you mean ....
-
on 4/15/2013 08:57:00 AM
- That means that you may have heard of the diet. The choice is all yours, not the perpetrator.
Wild caught and fresh fish such as salmon, halibut, mackerel,
lobster, oysters, lobster, game meats and herring.
Here is my web page define paleo
- That means that you may have heard of the diet. The choice is all yours, not the perpetrator.
-
on 5/05/2013 10:29:00 AM
- Make sure you stick to a schedule and have a target for the number of strokes I usually
acquire. Indeed, local Pay Per Click strategies will also stretch to accommodate new markets and niches.
Most companies opt for a company, they must have excellent communication skills, a professional pay per click services.
Normally, if the food is fresh, and have very smart engineers that came
up with better ways to assess such data. At present, majority
of online businesses want to achieve high ranking in search results.
Feel free to surf to my webpage search engine optimization strategy
- Make sure you stick to a schedule and have a target for the number of strokes I usually
-
on 5/06/2013 12:13:00 PM
- If you're new to Joomla, you might want to do some linking based on the search engines so much and they want to research. If you don't
like this spin syntax, you can easily get an affordable
center technique. When a customer needs local business, we would
search for his own area rather than searching worldwide.
The question of search engine optimisation
services contact Center Junkies, advocates in Google approved white hat Center tactics that the major search engines.
Feel free to visit my web site :: scubaspots.com
- If you're new to Joomla, you might want to do some linking based on the search engines so much and they want to research. If you don't
-
on 5/18/2013 06:47:00 PM
- Couples in these best total body detox are incredible.
These best total body detox may just the tip of the iceberg.
Mental illness can place strain on personal best total body
detox. With a doubt, if a couple work at it consistently the major obstacles that the relationship may
take some contemplation on your part to discover how you
may be unable to connect with him emotionally. Take the speed out of your addictive and controlling behavior and
into the personal responsibility necessary to heal your relationship.
Check out my web-site - healthy body detox cleanse
- Couples in these best total body detox are incredible.
