Jay's oeuvre

A bit of jazz in blog, however, falls tremendously short of being a musical

Eagles Vs Phoenix

Perspective: Combos (An annual interdorm sports event.)

My team: eagles (Dorm 04,15,16,17 and 19)

Eagles have virtually done a rolling stone in being no. 2 all over. We have lost the finals in Tennis, Table tennis, Basketball, Carom, Pool and couple of Computer games.Now, We are to be tested in Badminton. With the team pinning hopes, that at least the curse of blue eagle would be broken.There are other stakes too .. my non playing team members have put a bet on us [how sadistic of them :(]

Eagles player :hinges around me and Paro. Maxi can support in doubles. I am yet to find another singles player to fill the matches.

Phoenix team :Hat's team he has like 5 above average players.

Format : Best of 5

Hence, its crucial that whatever games me and paro play, we need to ensure a win. I want to play a singles, a men's doubles and a mixed doubles.I have been a singles player for the Uni. team but the doubles r crucial.



Crisis:

1. Goddamn there 2nd best singles player is injured but can still beat any of my other team members with a love game. :(( .So that makes 1-0 in their favor.

2. Maxi my doubles player is in Bangalore and he wants to play all the doubles (promises he will win them). I am skeptical and want to play one of the doubles myself. So, the two doubles cant be decided.score 1-1.

3. Paro is damn good in ladies. (however, she going through one of her personal issue). Still wd expect her to romp home.. so 1-1.

4. I would most likely be pipped against their best singles player. Though I have beaten HAT, but in practice matches he at times takes the game home and I am a slow starter.Gimme benefit of the doubt:P, then its 2-1 in our favor else we lose:((.

5. Hey!! did I tell u my recurrence of mystique in my stomach ?.. he he he.:P haven't had proper food for last two days.(But thats usual with me). I have just ordered one glucose pack and some glucose biscuits.(fuel).

6. Aaah. lolz. I got an exam 2morrow early morning.(where I have scored a D+ in the midterms.)

Your Job : still need to mention.. wish me luck .. the game will prolly start in an hr. (1 am)

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by JAY @ 12:46 AM |Show/Add (14) comments|

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An Interview with a Vampire

(Its another long post .. But worth it razz ).
This happened like an year ago, but I would remember it for a long time. This was a crucial interview.

I reached there on time .. everything was set and the process started soon. I had some stupid query for which, I approached one of the administration guys and shot the Q. The tall and towering figure turned, stared at me disparagingly and answered in his Amitabh like Baritone. He was an impressive man. He dismissed my existence as silly.
Soon the group discussion followed. I did well and it gave me the confidence for the final interview. As usual in the interview, I was the last man in.

The person who had ignored me as if I am the crap on a car bonnet, was there right in the middle of the three member panel giving me little idea of how I had underestimated him.
Those who don't have the patience, can straightway go to(click it) [ Fun with Mr. Guha]
The Questions touched some agricultural issues about which I had no idea. I candidly said I don't know the technicalities. He egged me on for guessing the answers. I accepted the challenge (who cares if I was no where near the right answer or had hit the bull's eye). After a few rounds of Qs on medicines, the discussion moved to my Hobbies.

So what else do u do?
"I write, read and play badminton" (I had practiced to fix only these three, which I can defend)

What do u write?
"I write whatever comes to my mind. Right now I am working on my biography and a story based on the unsolved Purulia Arms drop case"

hmmm, ok leave it. U play badminton.
"yes"
Tell me Why is All England Open Badminton Championship called so
"I don't exactly know y they named it so. It was a long time back."

So there are'nt any reasons.
"well I guess (they nodded yes, yes .. guess) It was opened to all (global) hence it was called so.. and it was touted the World Cup at that time.."
So why is it still called so
"I guess the tradition has to play a part and it stayed"

Why our event isn't called so?
"It cannot be called All England Badminton championship. One .. cause this is not England and two it is not open to all "

They laughed.

Ok, tell me the point system?
"Well they keep it changing. Right now it is 5 sets .. with 7 point each game."

So , Its nice.
"I don't think so sir.. The game is faster but it doesn't suit Indian shuttlers. They r slow"

OK leave it. What do u read?
"Anything, I am a voracious reader. Feed on anything I can lay my hands on"

Oh yeah!. what kind of books?
"Sir, I am not a fan of any specific genre. I pick books of different styles"

Like
"Like Historical I Picked HITLER, fiction GO Small things. Fiction Grisham, etc"

The Last book u read?
"Da Vinci Code"

Haah !! Crap. misleading .fodged.errr. history.
"Sir, I don't agree It was a fiction and anyways History is semi fiction. So, I enjoyed it as a good thriller set against an unconventional backdrop."

hmmmm..

Fun with Mr.Guha
Most of the talking was done by that Tall persona and a few by the person on his left. The third person was quite and watching me till..

Do u know William Dalrymple?
Ummmmm, I have heard of him but don't remember exactly. May be White Mughals??

He asked me about another Author..
Obviously, I had no idea.
Another one.. Do u know Ramchandra Guha?
"umm read of him but cannot recall any particular work from him."

U donno..?
"RamChandran , I have read his articles in Times of India"

U said Ramchandran?

"Oh! my mistake its Ramchandra"


The Q changed lips (The baritone again).
"No.. Why did u say Ramchandran? Do u think a name like Ramchandran Guha is possible.
Isnt he a Bengali.?
"yes sir his surname Guha suggests he is a Bengali"

So, why did u say so? Do u think a name like Ramchandran Guha is possible?
"Sir, yes the name seems unlikely. However, this is a strange world anyone can have any names"

They started laughing ,,... Bullcrap!!!
I interrupted their joy.

"Sir , when a guy called Baddruddin Qazi named himself Johnnie Walker .. after the bevarage brand.. anything is possible...So, its a strange world"


Mr. Goliath made a serious face and said " don't you think there is a difference between an inherited name and an adopted name?"
"Definitely there is . But there can be other possibilities"

Like?
"Like.. may be Ramchandran Guha's perents were of different community and to have a compromise they named him so .. Surname of one parent and the 1st name from the other one."

They again started laughing(goddamn how much I made them laugh
confused)

So, what do you think? who was who?
"Sir, may be his dad was a Bengali coz he has the Bengali surname and his mother would be Tamilian (coz of the Tamilian 1st name)"

Silence .. They stared at each other for a while.

Mr. baritone stares at me and says :
"You know u have a foot in your mouth"

Man!! I was shocked and scared.

They asked a few more and then said .. You may leave now .. and do take some biscuits u have talked a lot.

The sadistic panel comprised of some of the distinguished gentlemen in Academic fraternity
Prof. Sriram
(Mr. Baritone.. I faced him later in class. Never dared to talk back on him). Prof. Raghuram (the silent person) and the third was Prof. Diptesh Ghosh.

Thanks and good bye.
[Read more...]

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by JAY @ 7:05 PM |Show/Add (4) comments|

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Food for thought

My sick food has arrived and the look of it gets worse :(. Speaking of food and looking at the observation that down south Slim's uncle and cuz are also suffering from Diarrhoea/Dysentry; I was fondling with the idea that whether Diarrhoea is the gr8 Indian unification symbol apart from Cricket and Bollywood.

Talking of food, I just attended a guest lecture from a Manager in Nestle, the biggest bulliest of them all, in food globally.He threw some insights which were processed in me with the perspective of a despo blogger.

The Point is passion for food and sensitivity towards it cuts across the border but still we are a nation of variety. Thats y we see global brands cant displace local namkins( Haldiram is the lord of the rings.) Lays(Potato chips) had its ups and down ... it is the food of a global Indian who represent less than 10% of India. The pseudo intellectual and a bullcrap population. (Hey!!! the angst may arise from the fact that .. I for most part of my life belonged to something which can be characterized as a "ASPIRING TO BE" Indians.. weird? huh!).. Anyways, did the global Indian knew .. that Lays coming during the summer is of better quality than what comes in winter, which is about 30% darker.(Goddamn!! how wd I know about any Pepsi product... ask Komal, she is the quintessential Pepsi girl). They tried to grow Atlanta potato in India but they failed.

Food and health is a great misnomer in here. What u consider healthy is not the perception. Diet Coke has less than 1% market share. They tried to launch Lays with less fat (gr8 hoopla).. however it failed... (Man !!! Indians cant compromise much on taste).. Those, who were raving about the project ..all those women were ordering extra Samosa. Dude in some part of India .. we still want to see a person of "khate peete ghar ka ladka" (the guy from a well to do family) which in normal terms would mean the guy should not be lean.

Not only that, some of the food items were decreased in quality to streamline it with Indian tastes. Poor thing tho not everything goes with the food MNCs. They try to push quality and health standards. Nestle did a lot of research in Singapore to provide Indians with a non-Maida Maggi .. 'Cause mothers refused to feed kids with those maida containing Maggi. Too bad for Maggi they still don't use Coriander from england cause our coriander doesn't suffice their quality requirements.

If ur wondering what is Maggi.. Its is a packed noodle.


Noodles .. thats the essence of china.. You see while I finish this article, I have another stir in my bowel which makes me think; This diarrhea and Noodles thing can be A great Chinese Conspiracy to render Indians less efficient and non competitive. After all we are the two nations with mind boggling GDP growth figures and yeah Chinese food is something which resembles our food the most.

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Poop, Loop and one smoking barrel

Was debating with Robbie as to y his sissy would leave Australia and wanna Join any Uni in LA or wanna learn Textile in UK. .. Suddenly the clarion call knocked me off... and I headed for the loo.. It was to be the 6th display of disposal skills. Man!!!! last one week has been literally draining for me. Been suffering from diarrhea, would barely eat anything in the whole day. I have survived on Sick Food(Khichdi + Curd) from the student mess.

I thought of changing the Oflox + Ornidazole combi the doc .. ordered .. Cipro + Tinidazole is always a betta thing for me.. I shd have done it.

The Scary Part:
The Agony didn't stop there. One day, I have been sleeping since morning and at around evening mom called and informs me .. my nephew is suffering from the same and is admitted in hospital (some pedigree!! phew). The nemesis was an irritating Lactose intolerance in this case.

The Best Part:
I played with him a lot during my both visits. He had a strong obsession for my cell fone :((.

Not only that fate sends me another kid to compensate. This is Ashu (Don's son). Don informed of his K'log and yeah been addicted to it. Its so refreshing. (Don learn a few things from kid and upgrade ur blog :P ).

Bottom line (and its a smoking bottom, literally).

I am weak, have been sleeping only and have completed watching 2 seasons of two and half men. Thankfully, my nephew is home (yay!!.. u know this thing puts u emotionally down.. even if its me :|). Lastly look at what i ate .. it freaked out Robbie .. hi hi hi ugly.

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by JAY @ 11:03 PM |Show/Add (8) comments|

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Forehands from Tursunov

I have read quite a few tennis blogs. Tursunov(..well if its tennis it has to be a Russian), comes on top of all the players who have dabbled with some writing. He is known for his tongue anyways so i was expecting some sparks when i opened his blog page. He didn't disappoint me... (He was on a high after helping Russia beat USA in Davis cup semis and then clinching his 1st ATP title in Mumbai, India.)

His two cents (from his blog )...

Excerpts from Dmitry's first blog in Estoril (May, 2006)
By the way, fans don’t realize how much time tennis players spend online. Dinara [Safina] probably has every song on the planet into her laptop. Marat downloads so many movies it feels like he is planning to open Blockbuster Video in Moscow. Gael Monfils is nuts over MSN. A couple of days ago he was sitting in the lobby and, I’m not kidding, talking on six MSN Windows at the same time. The guy is like Neo in Matrix. He has no idea what he is writing anymore or who he is writing to. He just puts “lol” and moves on to the next window. The girl is probably telling him that her kittens died and he just says, “lol.” At the same time he is listening to Bow Wow and tries to sing along. The funniest stuff on Earth. A French dude is trying to rap! Impossible to watch without a condescending smile!


Wednesday, Oct.04
6.55 AM:
Rise and shine! Time to…. “DISEMBARK”! Can’t wait to get to the hotel and open the bag with soaking clothes from my final’s match. By now my laundry is like a good wine. It has been aging for 24 hours in a plastic bag. I wonder what my chances are to get it washed before the match today because I only have one match shirt left. I got thirty pairs of socks though! Isn’t it exciting?! "

Thursday, Oct.05
11.30 AM:
........ Instead of running around the court and risk getting an injury I slapped some forehands at the back of the fence as hard as I could. The fans loved it! They shouted, “Godzilla returned! Godzilla returned!” Some even took photos of the fence where the ball left a mark. What is it with Japanese and their obsession with cameras and taking pictures?!?!

and this was the best:-

Monday, Oct. 02
9.50 PM:
Our driver is driving like frenzied Narain Karthikeyan (Formula 1 driver)! He's making Evel Knievel look like a DMV poster-child for exemplary driving. I'm starting to wonder how much "Esurance" (a car insurance company who is sponsoring me) would quote him for, for an insurance policy if they actually saw him drive. It’s pouring and the streets are filled with cars, motorcycles, animals and people who are celebrating Mahatma Gandhi’s birthday by dancing and banging drums right on the side of the road. It’s a total chaos! You can’t describe it in words, you have to experience it. “Drop-Zone” at an amusement park is like picking your nose on a sunny Sunday afternoon comparing to this ride. Even though it’s a lot of fun, it’s a bit scary. The ultimate testament to our driver’s skill is the fact that he is able to make it to the airport in under an hour. The trip to the hotel from the airport at midnight on empty streets took us just as long. Schumacher would probably still be stuck at the first intersection with his blinker on trying to merge and drive around a herd of sheep. As hectic as it is, in the two trips to India I have never seen an accident. Residents of Boca Raton, FL should take lessons from Indian drivers!


After this i checked out his US open ..stuff and was equally good. The last good tennis blog i read was of Ljubicic when was he was in Chennai Open but Tursunov is a vast improvement.

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by JAY @ 6:35 PM |Show/Add (6) comments|

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grrrillously chaotic

and u asked me y I needed someone to clean my bum!!1

(yup I keep everything at one place.. cant move myself.)

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My own group thing.. ;)

On Tuesday, we had a dinner .. thrown up by Navin aka Tuppe. It was more of a get together of our 1st year study group.

1st year was hectic down here. Thankfully I was partnered with a bunch of very down to earth people. We were a crazy bunch and we stuck together for all the three terms in the 1st year, though . other groups were disintegrating.So here is the crazy bunch we had fun with on Tuesday..

Srini(aka tHorny): returned to India after six yrs in US cause he felt home is calling. Too bad he is having a brush with reality now.Got back to study ...is on a sabbatical ( His employers r taking him for granted .. hua hau hua). A techie...
latest issue : marriage and has just found He is a Manglik.
(omfg... That means he can marry only a Manglik girl and they are rare :| )

Oh! I didnt add the nicest guy i have met.

Navin (aka Tuppe):
Thyself is double the volume I am. After leaving IIT KGP .. only thing he misses is his Boozing capability.
latest issue: 1st year was betta, atleast the academics kept him busy. Now he is too bored with nothing much to do ..

Sirji, made us cover another 6-7 km for a sizzling brownie he likes .. after we had our dinner.

Ami (aka Mimi aka Psycho): The 1st thing i asked on the dinner table is "u got engaged? (look at the pic .. it seems so)" .. She ain't but soon she would. She is a "nice gal". One should have seen her bursting the ass of one of head honchos in front of the whole class.. where does she store so much anger!!
Latest Issue: Problems of plenty.. Levers have already offered her a job .. Hubby is by her side .. things r too peaceful ...:-?

The Missing Gems


Vyom (aka Rancho) : he is cooling his heels in Germany as an exchange student(That guy is obsessed with Germany he went to Germany when he was in IIT Kanpur.. now here too .. y the heck.)
latest Issue : which part of Europe he didnt roam around. "damn gotta go back to college now:(("

He has been a prodigy .. million dollar brain... envy envy envyyyyy.


Jay (aka Bhookey) : forget him.

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by JAY @ 2:08 AM |Show/Add (10) comments|

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Jagshemash Borat


(which means How r u Borat)Borat Sagdiyev, originally Sacha Baron Cohen, is a funny character. I was introduced to this insane guy in the Da Ali G show on HBO. Then, I saw one of his movies where he mocks the British parliament. He is in news cause of the controversy surrounding his mockumentary : "Borat: cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan".

Here is an excerpts from his biography :

Borat Sagdiyev is a Kazakh reporter who was born in 1972 in Kusek, Kazakhstan. He is the son of Asimbala Sagdiyev and Boltok the Rapist, who is also his maternal grandfather. He is also the former husband of Oksana Sagdiyev, who was daughter of Mariam Tulyakbay and Boltok the Rapist. His relationship with his mother seems to be unpleasant, and Borat has commented that "she wishes she was raped by another man." Borat has a sister named Natalya, who is regarded as the 4th best prostitute in Kazakhstan, and with whom he often fornicates; a younger brother named Bilo, who is mentally retarded and must be kept locked behind a metal door or in a cage. In an interview, Borat said, "My brother Bilo has a small head but very strong arms. He have 204 teeth (193 in mouth 11 in nose)! You can do anything to him - he do not remember nothing! He is a sex crazy ... all day long he in his cage look on porno and rub rub rub!"

"......Borat's hobbies include ping pong, disco dancing, shooting dogs for fun, and taking pictures of women on the toilet....Borat claims to have the tightest anus of his village, tight enough to open a bottle of Pepsi."

"...He was sent by the Kazakh government and television network. He has also said that if his movie about the United States isn't successful, that he "will be executed".

Borat walks side by side with controversies. He himself is Jewish but he is seen as the flag bearer of anti-semitism. The tennis room chaps can recall Croat the weirdo had once nicknamed himself after Borat.


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by JAY @ 12:52 PM |Show/Add (13) comments|

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Toufee and clipmarks.

I had added two extensions recently to my firefox. One was performancing and the other was clipmarks. Clipmarks made me stumbled upon this nice site called toufee,where u can make flash movies, banner, etc online. Its very simple and wd come in handy for a layman. I made my 1st movie .. and here it is..











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by JAY @ 11:55 PM |Show/Add (1) comments|

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PENis Mightier than Sword.

Type: Theatrical
Skill: histrionics
Battle of CR-6 (CR= Class Room)


It looked hazy. I could only figure out some movements in between the woods. I took my position which was strategically apt for hiding from any offensive of the enemy.


Soon, the lord of the rings had entered. Everyone settled. My closest aide elbowed me to morning.


The tension in the air was palpable no one had a clue what the professor demanded when he said "How do u do appraisal of working capital loans". That was enough to disconnect me from the proceedings. I wanted to go back to sleep but, it was not to be so..


Looking at an complacent opponent, the guy sitting on right took out his naked shining pen .. and ***click*** my hand was almost pierced.. My mouth opened to gasp .. but the voice was choked within. (I hadn't expected he will take revenge for yesterday's powerful display of my penwork.)


I quickly searched for my pen ...only to find to my utter dismay "they" had it planned to perfection. All my accessories had already been removed. Only think i could do was to look at the watch and wait for the lecture to end.. while my adversaries kept bleeding me and ... their Gothic "muahahahahahaha".

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Vodka Nites..

3 bill : what's up ?
PG : Yaar, Kya boloon? (Dude, what should i say) I am always confused what to say when some one says WHASSUP.
Jay : say "nm"
PG : I usually say my silly thngs as "the sky" "the roof" etc.
Marli : or "the stars"
Chandu: "the constellation"
Marli: Like "orion"
Chandu : Orion?
Marli : Yeah a constellation
Chandu : yeah but I thought Orion is just a group of stars.
Jay : Thats what a constellation is .. ain't it?

PG: whatta intellectual discussion.

This was a week ago. We were intoxicated with the Vodka arranged by dubious means in this dry state. It was a surprise birthday treat for Tiru ... so who cares and i had Vodka after a long time.. Flipside's stupid birthday song. Cake. Dance. Jokes. Dope. grrrrrrr.

I repeated I had to send some important emails to an organization ..but they aint gonna leave me... and I sipped and sipped till I made some stupid SMS and prolly puked when i got back to my room.. I dont even remember if I did regurgitate.

So don feel like writing anymore.. just had a break from a hectic one week.. gonna sleep.

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